OAD 2: America - Bullet Pointed.

I know I promised better for today, but screw it. For the past year and a half now I've been going out with a wonderful American girl called Alyssa. For the past 4 years I've visited America itself and lived with people there for about 2 - 4 weeks at a time. I haven't really seen that many touristy things, but I've seen a helluva lot that if I were to visit a country without a local friend I'd miss. But rather than deliver these inspiring insights, I thought I'd just run off a list bitterly of a few good things and alot that annoys me. Sorry Alyssa, Jon Baker and any Americans who may read this.

The Good
- Shopping; from 6am to 10pm most things stay open.


- Meat; See the same as above. Apart from the fact that you say Mince meat and they don't have a clue, instead it's ground meat.

- Able to buy Orange Tic Tacs seperate to Lime and Orange.

- Root Beer, Mountain Dew.

- Turning Right on a Red light; as Jeremy Clarkson said: The only good thing America has done for car travel.

- Optimism and Community; I found it surprising how bitter and jaded England as a country has become when in the presence of Americans. Though I myself am distrustful of Community, I'm not blind to the good and closeness it fosters in people. Folk will support events, band together more easily and be more relaxed about it all.

The Annoying/Bad
- Crap Candy and Chocolate. And I mean really crap. I've had sweets found in the back of my desk after 3 years that have tasted better.

- LOUD PEOPLE. I went to a night with some "frat brothers" once, and fuck me are they the loudest people on earth. When they were drunk the noise level was like a herd of elephants all orgasming at once, for no real need.

- Not been able to handle drink. I'm a light guy, 140lb/10 stone but damnit, that drinking age of 21 does really set American constitutions down. The fascination with alcohol too reminded me of when I was 14 and would rave about it and get drunk off of just a bottle. Nowadays I just want to go out with friends, get a bit drunk or go to a pub and chat. I'm an middle aged man in a young body.

- American Football; Ok, this one is just my own annoyance with Football worship over here carried over to NFL worship over there.

- Like. LIKE. LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE. USE FUCKING URM OR SOME SHIT PLEASE. It's the most annoying speech quirk I've ever encountered, and girls see no problem in babbling like like alot like when like recounting like a story like. Just SLOW DOWN. Saying like and speaking quickly doesn't make what you say interesting. If you're stuck, don't throw in like as a filler word. Just urm, that's what urm's purpose is. I have my own annoying habit of counting how many times somebody says like in a minute if they use it uneededly. Get an American girl to tell you about their day or a story or fucking anything for that matter and you'll hear like 50-70 times a minute I've deduced.

- Calling your Fringe Bangs. Your hair does not explode. Stop this. It is the edge of your hair, thus called your fringe.

- Neesan instead of Nissan. If you're American and reading this, say miss. Now say niss. Now say Nissan.

- All news networks are as bad as one another. This is also probably a global thing, but I don't think many realise it about America as Fox gets most of the flack. I was just astounded at how extreme the views presented were, and how seriously the middle aged people I spoke to took them. Imagine if people pledged alleigance to either ITV news that only complained about chavs or BBC news that only complained about the Rich and you have an idea.

- Advertisments. I wanted to rip my own brain out rather than listen to another faux-caring Woman announcer. It's literally a bombardment of crap that makes me want to scream. I don't want your fucking head-on APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD, I don't want viagra pills, that four flags commerical is alright but other than that take your souless tat elsewhere.

- Lack of good Radio. Have you ever heard Radio in America? If you had you'll be fighting to save the BBC and its ad free quality output a heckuva lot more. There are three flavours of Radio stations in America:
1) Talk Radio. This is just people talking and talking and talking without ever playing a damn song, interrupted every 10 minutes by an advert.
2) Modern Crap. This radio station of which there are a dozen tuneable at any time plays between 5 different songs, all by an artist like R Kelly or Lady Gaga. Some of these songs can be ok (I'm not a music snob) but god damn, it's the same as the advert problem. After been bombarded with them my brain goes on strike and I'm a drooling vegetable begging for it to stop.
3) Country and Western/American Rock. Also about a dozen of these, for no good reason other than it feels a bit patriotic and matches an atmosphere of Corn fields.

-Spanish workers. Americans struggle with an English accent. Mexicans barely speak English to start with. It's not like the local curry house run by turkish people over here; people who've honed their skills to understand and communicate in English. Every fast food place or shop pretty much has a Mexican working behind the till. This creates a problem for me: I can't place an order. For 4 years any time I've tried the order has come out wrong, so now every time I go to a McDonalds or similar I have to turn to an American friend, give them my order in English and have them repeat it in American English to the tillkeeper.

-Harry Potter. Edward Cullen. That American enthusiasm I mentioned earlier? For four years I've had American girls screeching at me to speak English and say spells, to titter among themselves when I grudgingly do. But the estaticness I've experienced surrounding Twilight and Potter is strange. Again, I'm a grumpy middle aged man in a young body.

This was a very ranty post; I've probably lost my few followers and all friends now. Tomorrow will probably be something sensible/entertaining on Vidja Games and not grumbling, so bear with me all several of you.

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