Murder On the Killing Floor (VTG)

Unfortunately Sophie Ellis-Bextor is not a playable character, something I hope the DLC will solve. Since I last posted a crappy little update here two more posts have gone up on Gaming Daily. One talks about Mount and Blade, the other about getting my girlfriend eased into popping her videogame cherry. Also, a surprising link in the Sunday Papers at RPS for my pisstake Gaming Art Gallery. So now my writing pinnacle has been reached with a last minute hash using microsoft paint, time to start the inevitable degrade in the quality of my output.


Here, you can see my team are organised. This is because I am dead.

For those of you who play or have played Left 4 Dead, but have so far avoided Killing Floor on the assumption ZOMBIES + SURVIVAL = SAME GAME - Change your ways or be damned, for I have tremulously spoken. Reasons you may avoid it however are an abundance of (amusing) glitches, simple goals, possibly light content and shooter fatigue. If you hate having to wait to respawn too then steer clear, though it is amusing to watch the others when times are tense near the end of the wave. But if you die early on whilst the defenses hold and 400 monsters are left to go you'll be bored senseless, with only your right hand to keep you company. Otherwise, apart from if you retch at the sound of Cockney voices I am really hard pressed to think of any major flaws. I'm finding it hard even to avoid just deleting everything but one sentence in this post saying "Buy it, experience it". But then I am a hack after all.


Prepare to see this message more than you'd like.

The game itself is fairly easy to describe mechanic wise, so here's a boring bit without any jokes. You have free reign of the map you're on to set up your positions, the objective to survive each successively harder wave. At the end of each wave those killed respawn and you all run franticly to an ever moving trader to buy ammo, new weapons and armour with money earnt killing creatures. All the melee weapons and guns on offer here feel reasonably solid and you soon find your favourite load out.

On top of your weapons there's a perk system to tailor where your strengths are, and these can be levelled by meeting certain conditions for each one. Normal games are 6 man affairs, and it is often suicide to stray too far from the pack even on the 30 man games. Enemies come in a number of flavours that require different tactics to tackle, becoming tougher and spawning more of the meaner ones the higher the wave you're at. When you play, you'll discover just how pant-wettingly terrifying the mention of "four fleshpounders" really is outside the concept of a swingers' party. To help survive you can weld doors shut and heal each other, but your characters are not the veritable tanks that Zoe is and ammo is a sacred thing to be blessed sanctimoniously.


This is James. He too is cool and uses initals to name himself.

If I heard someone just sell the game to me as that I'd probably be ignoring it right now and indeed I did, despite Tom Francis giving it a quick whirl and saying it just might be good (though he did rush that post a little). Getting the game after a friend corralled me into it I can say the thing that really makes it is the tension, and for me personally it creates this on levels that make L4D feel pale by comparison. I do love L4D but with only five weapons to pick from and with generous ammo pickup points, infinite ammo pistols, the rareness of special infected and the relative durability of the characters it just feels more safe, dull even. That does change in L4D's survival mode, but only slightly. I've only played KF for 10 hours, but already I have so many more tales than even my games of TF2.


I didn't manage to get a good Fleshpounder screen, as too often I'm running away.

I think this is because the game is geared up to create epic last stands. All that careful planning, of welding doors shut and occupying a corridor with chokepoints and range does work initially. When with a team that knows what it's doing, you can plow through the first 4-5 waves with deadly efficiency. But then suddenly even your best laid plans slowly degrade, as the bastards just keep on coming. You're working hard, killing and killing and barely managing to hold the line. A few of your more trigger happy buddies have switched to their 9mm and firing frantically. Worryingly there's alot more than before breaking into the midst of you. Still calmly there, aiming down your iron sights and firing almost point blank now, trying where possible to line up those damaging headshots.

*click*

Your rifle is out. One of the earlier pistol buddies is using their knife now mainly, saving the pistol for those enemies it is suicide to charge. A glance at the counter tells you there are 90 enemies left, so it looks like you just might survive and re-stock for the next round intact. A few moments of panic then relief as two of the incredibly tough chainsaw monsters appear and are taken down with a close combat glitch and a guy with a chainsaw himself. Then suddenly that beast you'd been dreading makes an unwelcomed appearance, as one of your team shouts down their mic.

"FUCK! FLESHPOUNDER! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

It flashes on your screen that JB has been killed by the Fleshpounder. Then AsI - Rawr too. Your 3 remaining friends start retreating and firing wildly, ammo conservation forgotten as they forge an escape and try to whittle the beast down and finally manage to kill it miraculously. Monsters are everywhere now there's no longer a firing line to take them down before they reach you. Grenades blow up a fair few, but then you're out of those and it's down to the knife and 9mm as the horde descends and backpedalling begins. But it's no good; your earlier good firing position ontop of the car is now an island. You stave off enemies amazingly so, careful prioritizing even in panic the deadlier foes and managing a quick heal but seeing no hope of rejoining your teammates. The counter says 20. Yes! It might just be possible!

Then you see in the dark a glowing yellow line that you'd thought there would only be one of. The glowing yellow line turns red on the chest of the Fleshpounder as it roars and charges at you. Knowing your number is up, you decide to go out in style for the spectators watching. You have 7 bullets left in total, which might just kill the second weakest creature in the game let alone the second toughest. With no armour and 50% health, it seems you’ll die valiantly pumping every last round into the git.

Instead you hit "B"; which is used during the shop to give cash to players that need it and prompts a varied vocal cue from your character. A glowing £50 green note flies out of you into the Fleshpounder, as the random automatic voice clip ushers your famous last words in a cockney voice - "Loadsa Money!"

This was only my second game of Killing Floor.

If you don't find that epic, then let me tell you that pretty much every game I've played of KF has been as delightfully varied and tense as that, and it doesn't seem to be letting up. That time when we defended a castle with 30 vs 1000, killing a Fleshpounder with a carwash, a buddy welding me in a tight room with 2 Fleshpounders, the moment I mentioned two examples featuring Fleshpounders in a row. You needn't suffer the fatigue of the same maps recycled; there is a great wealth of community created ones that are pretty nifty. Indeed, I have defended the pub from Shaun of the Dead as the last man alive behind the bar with THAT rifle, fought around the Thames on top of its murky waters, battled up mountainsides and a wealth of other locations explored. If you can, get this game and join in with PCG's gargantuan 50 man server on the 14th of August. That is, mind, if the PCG offices have the ability to play games online once again. *Cough*.

If you can’t tell, I’ve fallen in love with this game, and at the moment it feels more than a fling. Time will tell, but I think it’s as much of a keeper as Counter Strike was in its heyday. So I ask you readers, put down your mediguns and backburners for a moment, leave your level 70 paladins and mounts. Come, and join me in celebrating this fine game.

Cat Got your Tounge?

Correct weapon clipping is for pussies.

Where have I been? What have you done this past week Ed? I know no-one is really interested, but I will tell you anyway. Two more posts have gone up on Gaming Daily, so I haven't entirely been idle.

Otherwise I had a hectic week, where I drove all the way down to Bournemouth then onto newquay just to sleep in a car. I do not wish to repeat that experience. Highlights of the trip though involved eating Whale meat, which I thought was illegal but apparently Japan and Iceland can still harvest it. Most surprising was a sneaky visit to Bath on the way back, to meet word-entrepreneur Jaz McDougall and his lovely wife Lisa as he worked for those pleasurable PCG chaps. A nice encounter, which soon got over the awkwardness of meeting someone you know well in one sense but have never met before.

For the future then - I am job hunting at the moment, but I'll be around as much as ever probably. I'll still post here, and every sunday on Gaming Daily too. I plan on re-installing Fallout 3 so I can carry on Radiatwind, but now that I've announced it as a plan it probably won't happen. VTG crap will carry on also, as will any random features that spring to mind.

Wow, this post is shorter than I expected it to be, but then it is just a Wot I Done self pimpage post. There's not alot of me to pimp. My pimp will tell you that much.

VTG - Call of Juarez 2

All good posts start with explosions. FACT.

I rode with a blazing cpu, spurred my mouse and played like the wind. That's right, it's Cowboys! Yee-har! It's been a while since I've tried my hands at a singleplayer FPS, whilst back at home I've been living up multiplayer as much as possible. But this is Cowboys, with sixshooters. How could I pass up the opportunity to go from freeform sandboxing to a on-the-rails-back-to-basics-well-executed-shooter-with-cowboys?


"Olllldddddd Maaaaaannnnn Riiivvvveeerr, that Ohmygodacannonisaimingatus!"

Call of Duty with Cowboys and a frustrating showdown minigame. That, in a snailshell, is it. But it doesn't give credit where credit is due, and doesn't give criticism where criticism is needed. Nor bad sentence structuring where bad sentence structuring is apparent. The setting itself is rather refreshing for all those of us suffering from World War II fatigue, as with it there is introduced weaponry which many will feel unfamiliar with. Plus: Nazis aren't anywhere in sight!


"My name is Bill S. Preston"

Whilst there's none of the crazy fun weapons that futuristic games throw in, it still feels satisfying to get the feel for each of the seven pistols and extra weaponry. Still, I do wish someday somebody makes a FPS/RPG game set during the 1800's about the English Empire, mixing Call of Duty shooting and Fallout 3 exploration with numerous close combat weaponry. But no exploding collars on slaves, as that might be poor taste. Though in this game the whole slave issue is glossed over to the extent that anyone tanner than tea is conspicously absent. Sorry to dissapoint all you Buffalo soldier fans out there.


Not pictured: Slaves.

The game itself doesn't really start to pick up till about 30 minutes to an hour in. You start off fighting in the American Civil War on the side of the...South? We'll just overlook that fact now. Apart from a few missions in the game at the start of each level you get the choice between one of two brothers; Thomas who is in essence a mix of Viggo Mortensen and Christian Bale to the point I thought I was catching the 3:10 to Mount Doom and Ray, a delightful pyschopath. Thomas is meant to be nimble and stealthy, able to reach places Ray cannot and Ray gets Dynamite and the ability to use two pistols at once and kick doors. You can upgrade the arsenal of both at stores located in the middle of levels, though you're not allowed to shoot the owner and take what you fancy. It's a shame, as I do it daily and I thought big bad outlaws would be allowed to rob at least one person.

Why do I think the game begins proper after 30 minutes though? Ok the game up to then - After a brief spat with the North they then desert the Army and fight in their Plantation Home, before leaving and drifting about before ending up in a fogged over town (with a frustrating end coach fight sequence and the hateful duel minigame) that establishes them as bastards. As you might've noticed, the screenshots so far have been somewhat dreary.


Pictured: Cactuses. Racial inequality is rife in the Wild West.

Suddenly I get what I came here for - Sun, shootouts and racist presentations of Native Americans. The aesthetics from there on out is simply astounding, not the best I've seen in a game but very enjoyable all the same. I'm not saying the start of the game is bad, but the locations just didn't entice me; I might as well have been playing Call of Juarez: Gaming in Grey. But on to the gameplay.

As I mentioned earlier, combat is pretty much the same as Call of Duty except for a few little differences. There's a special mode called "Concentration", which when I do it just makes my eyes cross but if you're a videogame character allows you to slow down time so you can shoot multiple people. Thomas' allows up to 6 instant kill shots on anyone in range when you activate it and you have to pull the mouse back and forth to simulate the cocking handle on the revolver or some bullhockey. For Ray's you hover over people to deliver mutliple shots up to 12. Bit gimmicky really, and they add a timer to it running out if you don't use it within 50 seconds of earning it. Man, I just used alot of words to essentially describe a shit feature which I constantly forgot to use throught the entire game.


In 1870, Cowboys discovered the Matrix.

Otherwise there's a strange cover system which almost works, where you stand by it and hope you latch on whereupon you can use the mouse to carefully peek around. When it works it feels natural, rather than edging out using the movement keys you use the mouse to angle yourself around it. When it doesn't work you frustratedly keep trying to find the sweetspot where the game recognises it as cover you're wanting to use. They also claim there's stealth in this game, but I can assure you none of that tom[francis]foolery takes place and instead the plan = shoot, and what can't be shotted you go a different way till there's shootable things.

And lastly, whilst Quick Time Events are gloriously absent there is instead a duelling minigame. I can see the reasoning for it, to give the game that extra cowboy authenticity and break things up a little. Instead it's a painful sequence where you circle each other hovering your hand controlled via the mouse near your holster, waiting for a bell to strike whereupon you have to move really close, click to draw your gun, wait for the bouncing targetting reticule (which you don't control) to hover over your foe before you can click to shoot them. Often the computer is faster than Flash on steroids compared to your clumsy fiddling and it's a big sigh, reaload and pacing around waiting for that bell again. Apart from that minigame sequence, the pace proceeds along amiably. The story is undoubtably cheesy but an interesting tale of greed and betrayal, filled with villains on both sides and an annoying younger brother who constantly preaches throughout the game. *Spoiler alert* I was actually happy when Ray shot him *Spoiler alert*


The hooker mini-game here is great however.

I thorougly enjoyed this cheesy action fest, it provided a solid romp though was not genre defining. Already I want to go back and re-try different weapon setups and play as the other brother (though it doesn't alter the mission at all). Multiplayer is included, but with the lack of support, convoluted way to connect to servers and load time plus small playerbase it's just not worth it. A good game, it's nice to play a shooter which isn't about WWII nor space marines and whilst not thought provoking is adrenaline pumping.

I give it 3.75 Fennings out of a possible 5. As arbitary scoring is all you need to base a game on, clearly.

The Other is in the Albert Hall

I don't know either sir, I think he was making a reference to the post now up on Gaming Daily.

Don't worry, the drought is over. Unless you're Austrailian that is. But that wasn't what I was referencing, rather the whole me not having written for a little while. And I know how that is missed.

You want the latest gaming and politcal news? Insightful opinions? Correc?t puntuation adn spmelling/? You've come to the right place. I mean you're sat infront of a computer, go look up a website which offers the above. Here (and now at Gaming Daily) you'll just find irreverent wit, relating to games and sundry.

I've learnt better than to announce plans now, I'm rather ashamed over how poorly disciplined I am in that regard and really do need a schedule. So now I have a regular post over here every Sunday, and I'll be posting here about twice a week.

I'd like to thank Jaz, Jon, Craig and others (not forgetting Mr Francis) for reading what I scribble. It really encourages me to keep trying to write and improve. I know my idiosyncratic stylings can be a little hard to put up with, but trust me; some good may come of them one day.

Or I'll be a bitter and depressed person always thinking he could've done more, taking it out on his loved ones and self before dying miserable. Oh what a cheery note! Nah, I'm more positive than that. To prove so, enjoy this pilfered image -

VTG - Prototype: Part two

For those eager to hear about how Tentacle Rape and Metal Gear Solid combine outside of fanfiction fear not; Part two is here.


Ok, I've plugged my controller into control port 2. Now fucking what?

Stealth then. It doesn't make much sense but then I don't mind it as much as I should for some reason. It's bloody annoying, as to stealth absorb (where you go behind them and give them a big hug. All soldiers secretly crave this) you have to be really close. But your character pushes people aside automatically when close and if you double tap a direction to finesse your walking you do a flying roll forward.


(Mashes the square button) UH-UH-UH-UH-UH-UH *SNAP* "Snake? Snake?! Snaaaaaaaaaakkkee!"

This has lead to some hysterical (for me) situations, where I'll go flying foward into the person I'm trying to stealth absorb and send them flat on their face, but thanks to broken stealth this doesn't raise suspicions at all. The situation goes like this in my head -

"Corporal! Private Jones just crushed my spine whilst attempting to do a flying forward roll on patrol."
"Oh that's fine sir, he does it all the time."
"Really? Military personnel just randomly fling themselves at any moment?"
"It's practice for dodging bullets sir"
"Very well then. Promote Private Jones for forward thinking at once!"


I keep searching for a caption, but all I can say is I haven't a fucking clue what's going on here. I think it could be love.

But playing it stealthily (though with its merits) misses the main aim of Prototype, which I feel is to gorily just smash everything with excessive collateral damage. In GTA, collateral is normaly something you set out to cause or are at least aware when you do so. In Prototype though when Civilian deaths happen I for the life of me have no idea when I mowed them down, as they aren't even punished. At all. Infact they're even given as a positive statistic, and as much as I try in a mission I always kill about a hundred unknowingly.


Believe it or not, this was a stealth mission.

Ah, Combat. Now here's the meat and two veg of the game, which it gladly swings infront of your face at every opportunity. The powers themselves are pretty diverse and cool, from tentacle whipping and blobfists to blade arms and full body armour. Combined with the fluidity of movement and there's plenty of fun to be had. Fancy performing the people's elbow from atop the Empire State Building? Then this game is for you (not recommended to fulfil this fantasy in real life).


Kicked ass : 5 points. Pulled heroic pose afterwards: 10 points. How cool you feel whilst playing: Priceless. For everything else there's mastercard.

Against normal foes you do feel like a killing god, until you get to a boss fight where it seems Dante from Devil May Cry came over and spilt his seed into the game. In short, they're attrition fests. Weirdly though, like the stealth they didn't annoy me as much as they should've. It seems Prototype has this strange phenomena where there's parts which would be unforgivable in ordinary games but which I would gladly play through here. What it does get right makes you forget any annoyances you may have had till after you've just finished a 4 hour session.


OMGWTFHAX *Sepiroth14 has left the game*

As I sit here, I've easily got enough to do a third post. I've still got to cover the combat in depth about fighting and hijacking, let alone mention the fun that can be had in Free-running (it's unbelievably great, which is an efficient summary). But I'm not here to do a proper review, just briefly what I enjoyed from the game as well as annoyed me (which is a part review I admit Jaz). At £35/$45 I don't think it's worth the price till it drops by about 10 or 15, but it is ridiculously good fun. Plus, you can fly and pick up cars as a dumpy 45 year old woman. Did I mention that?

VTG - Prototype: Part one

The crickets have been absorbed and the tumbleweed burned as I'm back to having lots of time with nothing to do anything in. I was planning on doing a return piece with a themed play through about the Sims 3, but it seems more talented and interesting people have already beat me to the punch. So here's a more boring return piece with a view to Prototype; a game about a dysfunctional hoody stabbing people. With a blade arm. Then absorbing them. Sometimes becoming a woman. And flying. As a woman if he wants.


Basically it's a game promoting S.T.D awareness. Here's what your sex ed teachers meant about that burning sensation.

Prototype is very much onboard with the current trend of sandbox gaming. The story is confusing and cheesy as hell, but told interestingly. How is it told interestingly you ask? Well, outside of cutscenes you munch people. Like so -


Don't ever order your steak extra bloody.

There is a reason for this other than to make the Age Rating Board go "Fuck, do we have a 35+ certificate?" One it mundanely restores health, secondly though it allows you to assume the identity of whoever you stab with your tentacles and absorb into your body (DO NOT ALLOW JAPAN TO MAKE THIS INTO A TV SHOW). You then suffer what amounts to Vietnam flashbacks to fill you in on story elements. But other than turning you into a tweaked veteran it also gives you skills to operate vehicles and weapons, as well as turning you into whoever you just mercilessly picked upon. If they're human, you can become them basically no matter what character they are.

This lead to me doing more weird roleplay than usual whilst playing a game. To illustrate this, I became a woman -


I often used to reflect on how badly rendered I was. Life was hard. I had no job, no motivation, no family. It seemed all I did was walk around as filler in the world, someone to make up the numbers. But that was before I met Steven.


To everyone else, he was just one of the default skins for the civilian npcs that was repeated ad nausem. I even got him mixed up with his brother Stephen, who often walks beside him. But from the moment we met, I knew I could love no other. His walk, the way I could shove him aside with superhuman strength, his refusal to speak. I was soaring, scaling buildings even.

Our time together was magical. We used to walk along the promenade together at night, reminiscing over how we first met along that same walkway. But it was there that I lost him and myself forever.


The way the moonlight settled on his flatly textured jacket and face, I'd never felt closer to him for some reason. I moved nearer and held him tightly to me, enjoying the warmth of his body as I embraced him and he stood unresponsively, blocking my view.

I then remembered I was a quasi-human monstrosity that absorbed DNA.


GLOMPAGRUAGHGLOOPSLURPRARGHAAGSQUELCH


Shit. I've grown Testicles.


Next time, on View to a Game - Prototype: Combat, Hijacking, Solid Snake, Tentacle Rape, Flying and Parkour. (I decided this would be too long for one piece with my narrow blog making posts seem longer than they actually are). Linky here.

*Crickets Chirping*

*Tumbleweed*

A Man approaches in the distance. But who is it coming to this deserted part of the internet? Could it be salvation?




Tune in Next Week to find out!